For five years, I have had two homes, two families, two closets, two holidays, two of everything. Every week my life changes, and I am still trying to figure out how to live through it. 

When I was in seventh grade, my parents decided that it was best to get a divorce. I was old enough to understand what it entailed, but my mental health wasn’t prepared. Everyone told me that it would be a good thing because I would get double presents on holidays and two rooms to decorate; it made me feel hopeful. 

Ever since the divorce, my favorite movie has always been “Mamma Mia” because the film is full of colors and has always made me happy every time the title is on the screen. The music, written and produced by ABBA, has always resonated with me. No matter what moment has happened, there has always been a song by ABBA that is relatable to that time in my life. 

After spending the first thirteen years of my life in one home, it took a while for me to get used to splitting my life into two. I went from a beautiful three-story townhouse to two small apartments. My dad lived in the Vernon Hills district, and my mom lived in Stevenson’s district, but in 2020, my dad moved down to Wood Dale.  

This meant the first half of my sophomore year was spent at Stevenson High School. Those four and a half months felt longer than one whole school year. My dad would drop me off at my mom’s every day at six in the morning on weekdays just so I could take the bus to school. 

This chapter of my life reminds me of the song “The Winner Takes It All.” Even though the song is directed more toward a past lover, I view it as looking at myself when my life was easier. “Somewhere deep inside, you must know I miss you”. 

In January of 2022, my mom moved back to the district, so I transferred back to VHHS. I still didn’t have my driver’s license, so every other week I would wake up at five in the morning and my dad would drive me to school. We drove to his place of work in Mundelein, and I would wait in the car for an hour while he was getting his truck and paperwork ready. At seven, he took me to school, and I spent over an hour in the foyer either catching up on homework or watching YouTube. 

I finally turned sixteen in March of 2022 and was able to drive myself. I felt free. In the famous song “Dancing Queen,” the upbeat music and the motivating lyrics like “you can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life” captured what freedom felt like to me.

The more I drove back and forth, I realized this freedom was limited, as I was still trapped in a car for an hour and a half every day, every other week. 

Challenges were popping up every day, stress levels were rising, and my motivation was decreasing. My brain was moving like the speed of the song “Voulez-Vous.”

Many people, including my friends, never understood my struggle with going back and forth all the time. People would ask to hang out, and I’d have to reply with “Sorry, I’m at my dad’s this week.” I always felt bad knowing the main reason I couldn’t hang out was because I didn’t want to drive forty minutes there and back.

As the years went on, I started talking to more people who also had a similar situation to me. I stopped feeling alone and started feeling relieved. Those people always found more positives than negatives about the situation, so that is what I began to do. 

So, rather than focusing on what I have lost, I want to share what I have gained, like more maturity and independence, along with a loving and caring family on both sides. 

Even though my family has split into two, I look at it as an addition to my family. I have my stepmom’s family as a part of my life now, and they consider me as a part of their family, as well. My mom’s boyfriend and his family have taken me into their lives just the same. I now have two step-brothers, two step-grandparents, and even more extended family. 

The song “I Have A Dream” has helped me realize that no matter the circumstances, good or bad, I can still push through whatever comes my way. The chorus of the song says, “When I know the time is right for me, I’ll cross the stream, I have a dream.” I had a dream that my life would feel like one again, and after taking the time, that dream has become real life.