Frozen. Trapped. The familiar cloud of disappointment appears over my head. I failed. How did this happen? How could I have been so stupid? Was the three hours of studying last night not enough? Thoughts like these ran marathons through my mind when I found out that I failed my math test. Okay, so I know this isn’t really a rational way to take a bad grade, and I know that grades don’t define you, but it’s hard to get out of the mindset that’s been in place my whole life.
Joaquin Sarmiento (11) shares a similar mindset.
“Sometimes people let the grades define who they are, and I know for me and my Asian friends, we let our grades define us because our parents kind of put all of our worth into our academic prowess,” Sarmiento said.
I understand this from personal experience and just from the social and cultural norms surrounding Asians and academics. Sarmiento explained more about the cultural aspect behind parental
academic pressure.
“It’s kind of within the norms, really. I think one of the main reasons is because a lot of my Asian friends have parents that migrated from Korea, China, or the Philippines. And in doing that, the parents kind of want to provide their kids with better education,” Sarmiento said.
That being said, you can’t do everything–believe me, I’ve tried. In middle school, I would stay up until two or even three in the morning doing homework just to wake up two hours later to study more because I thought that I hadn’t studied enough the night before. It was not too great.
The summer before my freshman year, a lot changed. And when it came time for classes to start, I knew that it wasn’t worth it to try to be “everything.” SPARK Executive Board member, Scott Goldstone (12), describes what he has learned throughout his high school experience.
“It’s really hard to find every single box and check them. I want to be this and ‘this’ and ‘this’ and ‘this.’ And that’s just
too much of a goal, where some people burn out and fail out of everything,” Goldstone said.
Unfortunately, burning out is not a foreign aspect of my life. If you and I are close, you know that by now. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety when I was 12, but I started experiencing symptoms much earlier in my life. Since then, it’s been really difficult for me. The smallest things, like getting a B on a test, send me into an anxious spiral. In these moments, it feels like all the happiness and positive experiences in my life cease to exist. English teacher and Dare to Empower sponsor Amanda Klein touched on these kinds of feelings.
“I would rather students be happy and learn things the correct way than just worry about getting the A. But it’s kind of impossible to change a system that has been there for so long,” Klein said.
The education system Klein mentions is a system that has been in place for as long as I can remember. This system says that a person needs to always be the best at everything and essentially consistently work until they break. But is it really worth it to have that kind of life if you can’t be happy?
As I’ve gotten older and more experienced with mental health, I have come to realize that these standards the system consists of are impractical for any human being to achieve. If you’re like me and many other high school students, you
know that trying to reach these standards is absolutely draining. Now, I’m not saying don’t try. In my opinion, I think you should always try your best. But the thing is, everyone’s best looks different. So, you can’t really compare yourself to what others are doing and achieving, because your best and your interests aren’t always going to be the same as other peoples’. And that’s okay, because your best is enough. It’s okay to be anxious. It’s okay to be stressed out and overwhelmed. Just try to remember that there will be happier moments, even if you can’t see it right now. You’ve got this!